Parents who have chosen the route of adoption, either because they could not have their own children or they simply felt a calling to bless a child’s life in this most profound way, deserve our thanks. Children who may have otherwise experienced life in multiple foster homes or in orphanages are given the opportunity to have a stable families and a consistent homes. There is no gift that can cause such an impact to a child who desperately needs love and compassion.

As stated in the last post, there are special considerations that parents must take into account when bringing a child into their home through adoption. Even in the most ideal of adoptions, when the child was well cared for pre-natally and handed to the adoptive parents at birth, attachment must be nurtured and deliberate throughout the child’s development. When a child is adopted in the toddler years, early childhood or teen years, the implications and needs are unique and must be considered.

Some examples of potential areas to foster attachment:
Bedtime - At the same time each night have an unhurried time to accomplish the nighttime family habits. Include in this ways for the child to unwind and relax, as well as bond with you as their parent through books, made up stories, songs, or prayers.
Photos - Have family portraits taken early and often, so the child can see visible reminders of being a permanent part of the family.
Holidays & Celebrations - Allow the child to help plan family events that will become traditions. It is especially helpful if the child comes from another culture to blend the old culture into your family’s culture for a beautiful, unique mix.
Meals - Commit to eating as a family around the table, with no television or other distractions. Allow each family member time for sharing what is happening in their lives that is positive and those things that are difficult.
Memory Books - Start a memory book with your child right away with pictures and mementos surrounding the adoption and early days together.
Appropriate Touch - Whenever possible and taking into consideration what will be helpful for your particular child, touch through tickling, hugs, holding hands, back rubs, hair stroking, playful wrestling.
Affirm - At all ages, reinforce to your child verbally how much they mean to you, how you are glad they are a part of your family, how you love them - forever.
Sensitivity - Be cognizant of events or circumstances that might be especially hard, given your child’s special relationship to you and the world - changes in routine (new school, new schedule), losses (new teacher, friend moving), fears (the dark, being alone).

Even years after a child has been adopted, he or she may experience fears of abandonment or questions about the circumstances involving the adoption. Something like a trip for mom and dad or a big brother playfully locking a child in the bathroom can trigger deeply hidden feelings of loss and abandonment.

So let this just serve as a little reminder. If you are the parent of or even a friend of someone who has been adopted, be aware of the special circumstances and feelings that person may have, even if it has been years since the adoption.

Posted in Adoption, Parenting