My three-year-old is in to repetition, as are many little people her age. With each new day comes the requests for the same sandwich (pb&j), the same movie (High School Musical 2 - not 1, not 3, but 2), and the same books. Snow White tops the list lately, so I have read and read and read that classic tale of mystery, adventure, and friendship.

The queen is such an interesting character. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?” Such insecurity! The poor woman is so paranoid and prideful that she turns to evil means to stay on top.

At the MTV Video Music Awards this week, we were able to see the wicked queen come to life again. In this latest installment, instead of transforming into a witch, she chose to don her Kanye West costume. Kanye, apparently appalled at the injustice of young Taylor Swift winning Best Female Video, stormed the stage. Taking the microphone out of Taylor’s sweet hands, he explained in his own way why Beyonce was the clear winner.

Contrast that low move with the classy response of Miss Beyonce who, upon winning Best Video of the Year (if you’d just had patience, Kanye!), gave up her time in the spotlight by inviting Taylor to finish her speech. How refreshing to see a star take a stance of humility and selflessness.

Narcissism, a personality disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, is an extremely difficult deviation. It is an issue that causes problems with and for those around the narcissist, but the person with the issue is generally unwilling to seek treatment (it’s everyone else’s fault!). Narcissists are very reluctant to open up and trust, and they have a skewed sense of reality (everyone loves me!), so even if therapy becomes an option, the therapist will know little about the reality surrounding the individual.

Narcissism is marked by “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1)  has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2)  is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

(3)  believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

(4)  requires excessive admiration

(5)  has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

(6)  is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7)  lacks empathy:  is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8)  is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9)  shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes” (DSM IV).

So is there hope for Kanye and the wicked step-mother? I have to believe there must be, no matter how tenuous. Research is very unclear as to the origins of narcissism. If narcissism is a learned trait caused by very early affective deprivation, which is the preferred theory, then it stands to reason that it can be overcome through new learning. It is with fingers crossed then that I hope this latest stunt by Kanye will be a trigger that can open him to the help he needs. In the meantime, avoid any apples he may offer.

Posted in Mental Health, Relationships