My son has joined the wide world of competitive sports. As our family entered this period with excitement, I also recognized that we have just entered a very long road that may not have an end for another dozen years!

We’ve all heard about “those” sports parents. You know the ones - parents who throw fits or fists, who yell at refs, their own kids, other kids, other parents, the vending guys. Here are a few reminders that I picked up on while watching my son play:

Be an Encourager

It takes courage for children to put themselves on display. The effort that they put forth deserves honor and respect. Yes, grandma, you telling your grandson that he “deserves to lose because of his lousy performance” may shame him into better production, but the output will not be his own. Children may get results out of fear or anger, but how much greater for kids to be motivated by words of affirmation! Build him up and see what happens!

Be Calm

I know that sports, drama, music or other forms of entertainment can get a parents blood pumping - it absolutely does mine. We want our children to not only be accomplished, but to excel to the potential that we dream is within them! It is natural to be excited, frustrated, elated, disappointed - but that is never an excuse to be ugly. Dad, giving your child the cold shoulder when he comes off court for an injury gives him the message that “you are no good to me unless you are winning”. Mom, walking out on to the court to voice your complaint to the ref during the game teaches your child that he can not handle these issues. And besides, it’s really mortifying.

Keep Perspective

Extra curricular activities are important. Kids can learn amazing life lessons about teamwork, work ethics, boundaries, confidence, and disappointment. These activities may also be a hope for you to fulfill your own unrealized dreams or a path for your child to go to college. But, people, come on! Parent coach, when your daughter is crying from a painful injury, those lectures that include phrases like “this is part of the game” and “you know what you need to do” really aren’t helpful. Yes, she finished the game, but did you see her face in the team photo afterwards? That was not joy in the game.

Can we make a deal? Can all of us grown-ups who watch kids sports commit to, I don’t know, acting like grown-ups? Let’s cheer, encourage, support, honor, and love kids as they make themselves vulnerable in a public way.

Cheer with me: “S-U-C-C-E-S-S, we wish you luck and all the rest with S-U-C-C-E-S-S!”

Posted in Adolescents, Parenting