Life can be really hard sometimes. Not in the cliche way that we heard from our parents when we didn’t get our way: “Life’s hard, buddy.” But it can hurt in deep and profound and paralyzing ways. Sometimes, like the kid who didn’t get his way, I want to stomp my feet and yell, “But it’s not fair!”

It’s not fair that I have a friend who is bringing her daughter home from the hospital today after the kind of deep scare that happens when leukemia and H1N1 are attacking the same little body. It’s not fair that a couple of my college-aged friends are chatting online about, with no funds for heat, how cold their apartments are, when it’s only supposed to get colder next week. It’s not fair that a friend is agonizing over the hurtful words of another, unsure of how to take the next step.

Fair. I hear that word a lot as a parent and a counselor of kids. And, unfortunately, in my own head. But what is fair? Does fair mean that I get what I want? Does fair mean that no one else gets to have it better than I do? Does fair mean freedom from unpleasantness?

I am reminded of and convicted by an old parable. In this story there was a wealthy man with vast fields that required a lot of workers. Each day the foreman would go out and gather workers to harvest the fields. In the early morning, the foreman went out and asked for a set number of workers. By mid-day he noticed that they were not going to reach their goals for the day, so he went back out brought in another group of workers to add to the force. With just an hour left in the workday, he decided he wanted to push for the goal, so he brought in another group of workers. At the end of the day, all of the workers lined up to be paid, starting with those who had been working the longest. He paid them a day’s wages, a fair and agreed upon amount. When the group that had arrived at noon came to the front of the line, they were paid the same amount, a day’s wage. Then those who had only worked the last hour came forward and were pleased to also be paid a full day’s wage.

How would you respond? I know I would have said exactly what the first workers said - “That’s not fair! We worked all day and these guys only worked one hour! I deserve more! It’s not fair!” To which the wise owner replied, “Did I not pay you a standard amount, the amount that we agreed upon at the beginning of the day?” Well, yes. “Then what’s it to you if I choose to pay these others more? I gave you what we agreed to - that is fair.”

So the crud of life, the hard stuff, is actually fair? If I understand this parable correctly, yes. In our Western culture, we have been lulled into a sense of entitlement, that we should never have to wait, to be uncomfortable, to hurt. We know that things will be tough in life, so we should not be so surprised when bad things happen. It would serve us well to see that when things are going especially well for ourselves or others, that we are seeing the blessing of receiving a day’s pay when only working for an hour at work. This simple, but not easy, change in perspective is in order.

Fair enough?

Posted in Mental Health